The Bird Brain is rising in January 2016. His exploits are legendary in his own mind. From his humble origins in the City of Pittsburgh, the Bird Brain rises to self-importance rivaled by none. His rise is epic and can never be fully conceptualized.
His back story is well documented in the "Ruminations of a Bird Brain" in both volumes 1 and 2. He is imminent while other of his ilk are already eminent. The "Bird Brain Rising" is no prequel. It is a bona fide third book in the Trilogy.
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It just didn't get any better than that. Now we all can sit back and be content it the knowledge that there never was a greater day than tooday.
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Saturday, December 12, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Creation, In 6 Days
The Bird Brain had a great concept of how to create an "earth-like" planet in exactly 6 solar days. The following is an excerpt from "Ruminations of a Bird Brain, Vol. 2" Go to my Amazon Author Page to buy the eBook and read more about the Bird Brain.
TweetTweet This PostCreation, In 6 Days
I was
pecking at a spill of taco salad next to a bench in the plaza at Market Square.
Two guys were sitting at opposite ends of the bench arguing about how this
whole world came to be. The guy with the white shirt and bowtie kept saying that
a god made it all in 6 days while the guy in the blue tee-shirt said it came
into existence all by itself. I've never seen this god nor does it seem logical
that it just popped into existence either. Both remained unconvinced that what
the other said had any merit at all whilst I thought they both were majorly
deceived. Their argument digressed into
name calling and insults to the intelligence of people who thought like
themselves. Actually, I mean "the
other." It got me thinking about how I would make a world like this one,
and do it in 6 days.
I was
surprised by just how much thinking is actually inside this tiny head of mine.
Brain size doesn't seem to have any relationship to how smart it is or how much
intelligence it has. I started getting this idea in my head and it needed to
get out soon if it was not to make it explode.
This plan is Highly Intelligent Design and can
easily be accomplished by anyone with a high school education and a Time
Machine. First we have to believe in education and that it is useful.
Here is the Steps of Creation that can be done in
six Solar Days. Strap on your thinking caps and free your mind. Mine is quite
small and consists of a bit of cloth I found on Excelsior Street. On Monday
morning, get your coffee and Danish (off the sidewalk as for me), and step into
your time machine. Set your destination coordinates for a cluster of asteroids
and a temporal displacement of 10 million years in the future. It is important
to move into the distant future so that nothing you do will accidentally make
your discovery of time travel impossible or yourself for that matter. Ten
million years hence is a reasonable safety buffer.
When you get there you merely bump a few asteroids
together so that their collective gravitational pull will keep the aggregation
going. Then get out of the way and go home. Back in your basement apartment you
have the rest of the day to lounge around and listen to Pink Floyd and Nirvana
since you set the temporal coordinates to return 10 minutes after you departed.
Me, I'd go and enjoy a good laugh at the nuts at the Coo-coos' Nest.
On Tuesday afternoon after you get up and remedy
that hangover from the night before, you make the plan for Day Two. On this day
you jump into your time machine, well okay, stumble into your time machine and
set the coordinates for the cluster of asteroids you started in the location it
will be when you get there 510 million years in your normal future. I did say
you could do this with a high school education, didn't I? Well the time machine
has all the computing power to figure out the XYZ coordinates and temporal
displacements.
When you get there you see what has become of your
initial actions. The glob of asteroids is quite large now and the ice chunks in
the galaxy have made clouds above the surface and the surface has gotten cooler
and solid. The process is going well so you can just go home and goof off the
rest of the day.
Wednesday is the seminal day in your Plan of
Creation. 500 million more years in the future you go there with a sack of
seeds. Included are acorns, buckeyes, ginko pods, wheat, marsh grasses and a
whole lot of varieties of weed. As you pass over the fledgling planet you
scatter your seeds in every crevice. Extremely tired and in want of a cigarette
you go home and sleep until the sun goes down and you wonder just what time is
really is and wonder does anybody really know what time it is.
On Thursday you are already up to Day Four and
must get serious. At an aggregate temporal displacement of 1,510 million years
you arrive to find the entire planet to be Edenesque and covered by trees,
fields of grass and weeds. You see a lot of varieties that you did not bring
and realized they all adapted to this world. At this point you dump bags of
water from your own world into the seas there on that planet. In it are
amoebas, rotifers, plankton, algae, and a couple of guppies. After this long
day of activity you sample some of the weeds for their medicinal properties and
decide that it is good.
Friday, you decide to blow it off and check out
some more varieties of plant life that had evolved since your last visit. This
is not really a problem because you can always fix anything in post-production
if necessary.
Saturday is the big Sixth Day. You set the
temporal displacement to 2.5 billion years in your normal future and jump to
the proper galactic position. Upon landing you see that things had gone
terribly wrong. There are human-like people all over the place dressed in
form-fitting tights and everyone has one color cape or other. They all have
neck gills and vestigial fins on the forearms and lower legs. Just then you
remember what became of your DC and Marvel Comic books. The guppies had evolved
into all sorts of species. Even the cat-like critters had back fins and fish
tails. The outcomes of the evolutionary processes were not too strange
especially "missing link" examples that were mermaid like females who
still swam in the estuaries and continually beckoned you to come in for a swim.
I think there would be 6 foot pigeons who could converse in English, of course,
and actually had something to say.
You stay longer this trip than you usually did but
that didn't seem to be a problem for some reason. On your way home at the end
of the day, just before sundown, you go back to your Thursday time and place
and collect your forgotten comic books. This method of fixing your mistake is
far more humane than drowning everyone and starting over. Besides, attempts to
drown all the descendants of guppies would probably fail anyway.
Sunday, you go again to the 2.5 billion year mark
just to see if your micro fix was effective. Oh, horrors!
Hey, this
explanation is no worse than what humans have believed for thousands of years.
Besides that, prove me wrong.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Baby Pigeons
"I have heard humans ponder the imponderable question: Why have they never seen a baby pigeon? They have seen huge flocks of us clamoring and jockeying for position around a spread of popped corn or just corn itself on the ground. They never have seen a mother pigeon or a father pigeon ushering his/her offspring to the edge of the feast to get a healthy meal.
They also have never seen a photo of baby pigeons either. This matter-of-factly is because we don't have cameras. Besides, having never seen a baby pigeon, count yourself extremely fortunate. I've seen my share of those homely silly buggers and I've got to say, "Don't ask." They all are the ugliest avian off-spring ever created. Mother pigeons scream, "oh, not again!" when they first see the one or two latest eggs hatch.
Pigeon dads are not the most parental in the first place and when they see the end result of tail feather chasing, they strut all around coo-cooing that THEY cannot be his. "They don't have my eyes, my beak, or my sleek feathers. Girl, who did you sleep with to get that brood?
So in saying that pigeon parents keep their broods hidden high on a ledge until they escape into the world is snot much of a lie."
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Interview with author Robert Carlson about his eBook
Interview with author Robert Carlson about his eBook
"More Ruminations of a Bird Brain" available at Amazon
Q: Your title includes the word "more". Does this mean that there have been other "Ruminations"?
RC When I published the Ruminations in September 2014 it consisted of 5 related stories in one volume. The question that was raised shortly afterwards was "is that all there is" echoing the lyrics of Peggy Lee. My answer was "NO, there is more." Then I finished the second batch of 8 chapters and had the issue of how to package it. I felt that anyone who had read the first Ruminations would get the second one and keep reading. I wanted to make sure that anyone who was new to the character and the book could get the first and the second set in one downloadable file. Therefore, The second book consists of "Volumes 1 and 2" together.
Q: Will there be a Volume 3?
RC I will have to talk with the Bird Brain to answer that question, but I feel strongly that it will be YES.
Q: Where does this Bird Brain com from? I mean, how has he come to be and be in Pittsburgh in particular?
RC He is not certain but feels that he was a human at one time and some weird fog or vapor came over him and his mind was pulled out of that body only to be deposited in the pigeon. He is not ready to think that he died and there will be no going back. That idea really shakes his feathers and creeps him out. He doesn't have any recollection of a transition and he fears that it just might be only his imagination.
Q: The location in your book is said to be the "Strip District". That name evokes some far ranging imagery in the mind of readers who are not familiar with Pittsburgh.
RC I suppose that you are correct in that. It would best be described by the forward of the book
"In a town located on the northern banks of the Monongahela River as it flows northward from Fairmont, West Virginia, and passes a city called Pittsburgh, it meets the Allegheny River and flows past "The Strip" to form the Ohio River that wends its way down to Cairo, Illinois, -- it is in The Strip District that we meet an audacious pigeon convinced he had been-- in a former life -- a human being. This is his story. In a way, it's a romp, but in another way, a touching tale."
The Strip is a two block wide maybe 10 block long, depending on who you ask, commerce zone where produce, fish, and sundry items are delivered by rail, truck and car for resale to the public. It is a very busy place in the early morning hours when restaraunt representatives come tobuy the making of their menu items fresh each day. In recent years it has become trendy and full of hipsters. The Bird Brain inhabits the city in a time before everything went upscale and lost much of its unique flavors.
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