Creation, In 6 Days

The Bird Brain had a great concept of how to create an "earth-like" planet in exactly 6 solar days. The following is an excerpt from "Ruminations of a Bird Brain, Vol. 2" Go to my Amazon Author Page to buy the eBook and read more about the Bird Brain.

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Creation, In 6 Days

I was pecking at a spill of taco salad next to a bench in the plaza at Market Square. Two guys were sitting at opposite ends of the bench arguing about how this whole world came to be. The guy with the white shirt and bowtie kept saying that a god made it all in 6 days while the guy in the blue tee-shirt said it came into existence all by itself. I've never seen this god nor does it seem logical that it just popped into existence either. Both remained unconvinced that what the other said had any merit at all whilst I thought they both were majorly deceived.  Their argument digressed into name calling and insults to the intelligence of people who thought like themselves.  Actually, I mean "the other." It got me thinking about how I would make a world like this one, and do it in 6 days.

I was surprised by just how much thinking is actually inside this tiny head of mine. Brain size doesn't seem to have any relationship to how smart it is or how much intelligence it has. I started getting this idea in my head and it needed to get out soon if it was not to make it explode.

This plan is Highly Intelligent Design and can easily be accomplished by anyone with a high school education and a Time Machine. First we have to believe in education and that it is useful.

Here is the Steps of Creation that can be done in six Solar Days. Strap on your thinking caps and free your mind. Mine is quite small and consists of a bit of cloth I found on Excelsior Street. On Monday morning, get your coffee and Danish (off the sidewalk as for me), and step into your time machine. Set your destination coordinates for a cluster of asteroids and a temporal displacement of 10 million years in the future. It is important to move into the distant future so that nothing you do will accidentally make your discovery of time travel impossible or yourself for that matter. Ten million years hence is a reasonable safety buffer.

When you get there you merely bump a few asteroids together so that their collective gravitational pull will keep the aggregation going. Then get out of the way and go home. Back in your basement apartment you have the rest of the day to lounge around and listen to Pink Floyd and Nirvana since you set the temporal coordinates to return 10 minutes after you departed. Me, I'd go and enjoy a good laugh at the nuts at the Coo-coos' Nest.

On Tuesday afternoon after you get up and remedy that hangover from the night before, you make the plan for Day Two. On this day you jump into your time machine, well okay, stumble into your time machine and set the coordinates for the cluster of asteroids you started in the location it will be when you get there 510 million years in your normal future. I did say you could do this with a high school education, didn't I? Well the time machine has all the computing power to figure out the XYZ coordinates and temporal displacements.

When you get there you see what has become of your initial actions. The glob of asteroids is quite large now and the ice chunks in the galaxy have made clouds above the surface and the surface has gotten cooler and solid. The process is going well so you can just go home and goof off the rest of the day.

Wednesday is the seminal day in your Plan of Creation. 500 million more years in the future you go there with a sack of seeds. Included are acorns, buckeyes, ginko pods, wheat, marsh grasses and a whole lot of varieties of weed. As you pass over the fledgling planet you scatter your seeds in every crevice. Extremely tired and in want of a cigarette you go home and sleep until the sun goes down and you wonder just what time is really is and wonder does anybody really know what time it is.

On Thursday you are already up to Day Four and must get serious. At an aggregate temporal displacement of 1,510 million years you arrive to find the entire planet to be Edenesque and covered by trees, fields of grass and weeds. You see a lot of varieties that you did not bring and realized they all adapted to this world. At this point you dump bags of water from your own world into the seas there on that planet. In it are amoebas, rotifers, plankton, algae, and a couple of guppies. After this long day of activity you sample some of the weeds for their medicinal properties and decide that it is good.

Friday, you decide to blow it off and check out some more varieties of plant life that had evolved since your last visit. This is not really a problem because you can always fix anything in post-production if necessary.

Saturday is the big Sixth Day. You set the temporal displacement to 2.5 billion years in your normal future and jump to the proper galactic position. Upon landing you see that things had gone terribly wrong. There are human-like people all over the place dressed in form-fitting tights and everyone has one color cape or other. They all have neck gills and vestigial fins on the forearms and lower legs. Just then you remember what became of your DC and Marvel Comic books. The guppies had evolved into all sorts of species. Even the cat-like critters had back fins and fish tails. The outcomes of the evolutionary processes were not too strange especially "missing link" examples that were mermaid like females who still swam in the estuaries and continually beckoned you to come in for a swim. I think there would be 6 foot pigeons who could converse in English, of course, and actually had something to say.

You stay longer this trip than you usually did but that didn't seem to be a problem for some reason. On your way home at the end of the day, just before sundown, you go back to your Thursday time and place and collect your forgotten comic books. This method of fixing your mistake is far more humane than drowning everyone and starting over. Besides, attempts to drown all the descendants of guppies would probably fail anyway.

Sunday, you go again to the 2.5 billion year mark just to see if your micro fix was effective. Oh, horrors!

Hey, this explanation is no worse than what humans have believed for thousands of years. Besides that, prove me wrong.